Last Blog Post!!

Cheers Everyone! WE SURVIVED! 

Kincaid, M "success_baby1" 05/25/2013 via Flickr 

Attribution- NonCommercial 

Final Letter

Dear class,

Before taking first year composition courses at the University of Arizona, I thought I knew everything I needed to know in order to succeed in these courses, but I was wrong. I expected that by knowing the basic outline for a five paragraph essay, how to find sources for assignments, and how to write an introduction/conclusion, that I was going to have it easy in my English 101 and 102 classes. However, I soon realized there was still so much I hadn’t learned. Throughout the past 5 weeks, I have learned so much information about being a writer and a reader. Some of the most important things I have learned during this course include: identifying the type of reader and writer I am, approaching writing situations from a practical standpoint, and learning what a genre is and how to use different genres in my writing.

This course has made me realize that I am a writer who enjoys writing about topics that interest me. If a topic does not interest me, it becomes more difficult for me to write an excellent paper. When I am reading a book, article, or a paper on a boring topic, it is hard for me to stay focused on the reading material and then I get lost with what I am reading about. In high school I disliked most of my English writing assignments because they were never on topics that were of interest to me. For example, when I was a Freshman, I had to write a literary analysis on the Scarlet Letter written by Nathaniel Hawthorne. This was definitely one of the most boring essay topics I have ever written about! The assignments throughout this course have made me realize that I actually enjoy writing. I like being able to research topics that interest me and discuss different views of issues that are happening in today’s world. I believe that having an opinion on a subject that interests you is important because your voice makes a difference. Voicing your opinion on a subject that you have an emotional connection with allows others to understand the importance of an issue.

My writing process has become easier because of everything I have learned from this course. I have been able to gather enough information from credible sources for my papers. Before this course, I had never written an annotated bibliography. I think that these bibliographies help me write outlines of papers because I can look back at the short summaries to see which source fits in with my claims. I have provided a link to my first annotated bibliography here. Using clusters to help with my prewriting and planning stages in my writing processes have allowed me to succeed in writing a first draft for my papers. I used a cluster to help write my paper on police brutality. Revising my work based on reader’s feedback has helped me write successful final drafts. I enjoy reading comments from my peers and instructors because they are able to provide me with important suggestions on how I can improve my work. Reading my peers’ blog posts and drafts of major projects has allowed me to understand the peer-review process in greater detail. I feel more comfortable providing feedback for my peers and giving them suggestions on how to improve their work. In one of my peer’s project 3 drafts, I stated that “The first sentence sounds a bit choppy. I would say “Let our children get the help they need to succeed by getting… etc” (Newland, 2015). By giving my peer suggestions on how to revise their paper, I am able to help them write a better final draft.  

I have learned that there are different genres of text you can use besides writing an essay. Genres may be blog posts, letters, articles, presentations, among other things. In one of my major projects I decided to use Prezi, a presentation software, as my genre because it worked well with my intended audience. My presentation was about childhood obesity in schools across the United States and my audience was focused on parents. I think that it is important to be able to identify the conventions of a reading because it has helped me understand the text as well as analyze and identify people or groups involved with it. I learned that conventions can be professional like in a Quick Reference Guide because they are trying to appeal to a scholarly audience. Or they can be unprofessional like an opinion on a blog post. I have learned so much from this class, however, there are still several things that I need to work on.

After taking this course, I still do not completely get the hang of is using rhetorical strategies intensely in my writing. I understand that rhetorical strategies are used in order for the author to achieve their message and purpose, and I know that there are three types of strategies known as Ethos, Logos, and Pathos. What I am still trying to achieve in my own writing is how to successfully illustrate my message and purpose in my own writing by using rhetorical strategies. It is difficult for me to persuade my audience using these strategies, and I am hoping that in the future, I will be able to achieve this goal in my writing. 

Sincerely,

Selena Carbajal

Works Cited Page

Newland, Brittany (2015). Project 3 draft. Google Docs. Retrieved from    https://docs.google.com/document/d/1KhUY2cv66LhFx8-SaTb4JcIX4wniwtyhSQPTArSiLC4/edit

Reflection on Open Letter Draft

The two drafts I reviewed were Jessica's and Jake's letters.
Links to peer reviews:
Jake
Jess

• In my letter, I am specifically addressing my English 102 classmates and instructor. 
• My readers may be biased when reading my letter because their opinions about writing will differ from my own. I believe that I am respecting their opinions in my letter while also achieving my own purpose. 
• My audience may value writing as a whole or they may value only parts of the writing process. For example, one of my peers in her letter talks about her love for writing (visit Jessica's link above), while others discuss their hatred for writing about something they are not interested in (visit Jake's link above). My readers probably expect me to talk about what kind of writer I believe I am and what I like and dislike about writing. I believe I adequately meet these expectations throughout my letter because I address their expectations.
• I need to give my audience enough information for them to understand my point of view on writing and what I have learned throughout my year in first year writing courses. I believe that my giving at least one example on each of my points, I will have enough background information without insulting their expertise. 
• Formal language as well as definitions we all have gone over in this class would be appropriate for this letter. 
• I believe that my tone should be informative and friendly because I am addressing my peers in my letter. I believe my tone is used consistently throughout my draft. 

Peer Review for P4

I commented on Jess' and Jake's letters.

Draft of Open Letter

In my letter, I discuss what I have learned about writing from this class, and what I am still trying to achieve in my writing. It is hard for me to write a reflection of myself, so any suggestions on how to reword or revise this letter would really help me out! Thank you so much!

Yay our last major project! :D I hope you all enjoy my letter to you!


The link to my letter is here

Reflecting on My Writing Experiences

1. Before starting my first year composition courses, I assumed I would be learning the basics of writing such as how to outline an essay, write a thesis, how to use correct citations and much more. My assumptions were correct because I have learned how to do all of these things and much more in my ENGL 101 and 102 classes. 
2. As a reader and writer,  some of the most important lessons I have learned include-- how to identify the main arguments or claims in a text, how to analyze a paper, identifying my audiences in my works and their values/beliefs. 
3. In this course, I found it helpful to use a cluster to help brainstorm my main points and ideas in my writing because all of my thoughts were organized. The link to one of my clusters is: Cluster... Researching different questions about a specific topic has helped narrow down the topic I want to use in my assignments. Gathering information on my main claims and writing several versions of thesis statements have helped me write well-written thesis statements. 
4. While peer reviewing my classmate's assignments, I offer suggestions on how to improve their work. For example, I have made suggestions on how to restructure or rewrite sentences. My peers have given me great suggestions on how to improve my introductions, explanations on quotes/citations, and how to conclude my works. For example, one peer suggested "There were also a couple of claims you stated that need evidence to back them up, such as the claim that children can lose weight by interacting with other children online."
5. My instructor offered feedback on several of my assignments which have helped me understand and correct my mistakes in my final drafts. One way my instructor communicated with me was by posting her suggestions on my blog. Here is an example of what she would suggest "I think that each one of them could be revised into a broader project. I would maybe make your second thesis a little less specific in terms of listing every one of the tools (sentences, paragraphs, etc.)." 
6. I often asked my sister and friends to read my assignments and make suggestions on how to improve my works because I value their opinions. I view them as part of my audiences for my papers, and knowing what my audience wants and needs to understand helps me write better papers. 
7. Before revising my final pieces, I often went back and read over my peers' comments and suggestions in order to get a sense of what I needed to fix in my assignments. Then, I fixed my errors and improved my work with the suggestions from my classmates and instructor. I also looked through different chapters of my English books to help revise my final drafts. 
8. Before this class, I often wrote essays all the time for writing assignments because I did not know how to organize other genres of text; however after learning about the different genres I could write in, I began understanding how to write in different genres. 
9. If I were to take first year composition courses over again, I would procrastinate less and focus on organizing my assignments more. I think if I did that I would have received better grades by spending more time on assignments as well.  
10. College is a very important part of my life now because I am focusing on getting an education for the future. Nowadays it is so much harder to get a well-paying job with good benefits without having at least a Bachelor's Degree. I want to do what makes me happy and make a decent amount of money to have peace of mind, and college will help me achieve this goal. 
11. From the semester as a whole, I have learned that writing is not only important for school, it is important throughout your entire life. I have learned how to make my own public arguments as well as how to analyze other arguments and people's works.
12. Some of the writing experiences I had reinforced my idea on the writer I thought I was. I know that I can procrastinate during assignments, but I also know that I like to write down as much information on a topic as I can in order to organize my thoughts and make an outline for my assignments. 
13. If I did not gain as much from a specific assignment, it was probably because I was not focusing as much time as I should have been on that assignment. Next time I would definitely focus more of my time on the particular project in order to gain more from it. 
14. Think about the course objectives listed on your syllabus as you consider your success in the  class. What course objectives did you meet? What objectives are you still looking on? Some of the course objectives I met during this session include-- how to read texts to assess how writers achieve their purposes with their intended audience, coming up with writing strategies suitable for different rhetorical situations, developing an argument with persuasive appeals to my audience, locating and analyzing evidence to develop an argument, and revising my work based on feedback from readers. Some objectives I am still looking on include-- using conventions of scholarly research, analysis, and documentation, and using conventions of academic writing, including clear, convincing prose. 

Revisiting My Writing Process

In my first blog post on my writing process, I wrote about me being a combination of a Heavy Planner and Procrastinator. During my experience throughout this course, I have realized that I am not really a huge procrastinator anymore. This class has been so fast-paced and I tried to get all of my homework done throughout the day rather than at the last minute. I will admit that there were still a few times where I did not finish by 11:30PM, but I usually got my work done during the mornings/afternoons. I also think I am becoming more of a Heavy Reviser because I have been going over my projects more than three times, rewriting them in the process. I think that as time goes on, I will become a Sequential Composer because I see myself become super busy with school and work as classes get harder, so I will want to balance out each part of the writing process in order to achieve good grades on assignments and complete them on time.

Reflection on Project 3

1. I added more to my introduction because  I felt that it needed to be more detailed on what I was going to discuss in my Prezi. I also explained certain claims that my peers felt needed more explanation on because they were not apparent to everyone. 
2. I felt like my original thesis was not even really a thesis because it did not explain my ideas well enough. I completely rewrote it and I feel like it is a lot better. As far as my organization goes, I think my presentation was well organized besides my headlines, which I revised. 
3. My peers helped me make the changes I did because I want my audience to be able to understand my ideas and organization. 
4. I feel that the changes I made have a positive affect on my credibility as an author because I care about my audience's opinions and want them to be happy with my presentation.
5. These changes will better address the audience because they will be able to understand my claims with my explanations on them. 
6. Reading chapters in the RFW book helped me address my sentence structures throughout my presentation. I was able to better understand how to use apostrophes, commas, semicolons, end punctuations, and paired dashes. 
7. These changes will assist my audience in understanding my purpose by the clarity of my presentation. The changes I made allowed my presentation to make more sense which will benefit my audience. 
8. I did not have to reconsider the conventions of the genre that  I used in my presentation. 
9. The reflection process helps me reconsider my identity as a writer by improving my mistakes that my peers point out to me. This helps me understand how my writing affects readers, which allows me to reflect back on my writing better. 

Project # 3 Final

Here is my final project-     Childhood Obesity: Shaping Their Future

Punctuation, Part 2

1. The Apostrophe
2. End Punctuation
3. Other Punctuation Marks

1. From the chapter on apostrophes, I have learned that you should not use them on numbers or letters. I always thought you wrote numbers and letters with an apostrophe (2's, 3's, D's) but it is incorrect. I also learned that when you are showing possession of something that is not plural, it is correct to add (- 's) at the end of the word. For example I added (- 's) at the end of student in the following sentence: "On the other hand, several states in the U.S. do not require schools to have Physical Education classes or recess because physical activity is not seen as a critical part of a student's day."
2. After reading the End Punctuation chapter, I have learned that if you are not asking a question directly, the sentence should end in a period. This is very important for me because I sometimes use question marks instead of periods when my sentence reports a question. 
3. In the Other Punctuation Marks chapter, I learned that using  a pair of dashes like these (--) can help make certain sentences/ideas seem more important to the reader. One interesting thing I learned was that you can use brackets to indicate added words to in direct quotes. I used a pair of dashes in one of my sentences "Some of the contributing factors to childhood obesity include --  physical inactivity, unhealthy diets, and sedentary behaviors" to show the audience the importance of these factors.  

Reflection on Project 3 Draft

I commented on Brittany and Jess' project 3s.

1. My purpose for my original project was to persuade the audience (parents) to act upon childhood obesity and helping put a stop to it. I believe my project was very successful in achieving the purpose and reaching my intended audience. 
2. I am revising this project because I know it does not completely persuade my audience. My peers have helped me realize that it sounds a bit confusing in certain areas and that I need more evidence to back up my claims. 
3. I am revising my project to better suit my audience (parents). 
4. The length of my paper will become longer because I will be adding more supportive evidence. The format and appearance may have minimal changes because I may revise the headlines to become less confusing. I would like to make my intro a little longer, but I like the length of my conclusion. I believe that the structure and depth of my argument are good. 

Punctuation, Part 1

1. Unnecessary Commas- I have been told that I am "comma friendly" in my writing because I tend to use to many commas. After reading this chapter, I learned that you should never separate a verb from its subject/ object because it doesn't make sense. 
2. Semicolons- I like using semicolons when necessary, however I do not always know when to use them. After reading the chapter on semicolons, I understood that I can use a semicolon between independent clauses with transitional expressions. Sometimes when commas are used I can change them to a semicolon for example, if commas are being used in a series that has internal punctuation, I can use semicolons instead. 
3. Quotation marks- I know that I need to use quotation marks when I am directly quoting someone/something unless it is a long quote. However, I did not know that you can use quotation marks around titles of small works instead of italicizing them. 

Reflection 

I learned more about using too many commas in sentences as I was peer reviewing. For example, in Jess' sentence: "Without a credible, relevant, common standard of communication, it is impossible to progress in ways that benefit the world," she uses too many commas and needs to restructure this sentence. I learned a lot about semicolons in a chapter of RFW, and have learned when and where to use semicolons. In Britt's sentence, "The problem is that neither of these systems is working due to the same issue; a lack of government funding" she uses a semicolon when it should be a comma.

Draft of Public Argument

I chose to use Prezi for my project #3 and I have used a newspaper as my template because I think this genre works well with my argument and audience. Instead of making different supporting paragraphs and different rebuttal paragraphs, I chose to combine my arguments with their rebuttals because I think it works better with my genre. Please let me know if you think it does not work out as well as I think it does. There are several pictures in my "newspaper" that I feel go well with the paragraphs. Be as brutal as you want, your opinions matter! I also want to make sure my introductory paragraph fits with my project and feel free to make any suggestions for improving my project:) Another thing about my pictures, I do not know how to add a link to them on Prezi, if anyone knows how to please let me know!

Here is the link to my Prezi 

Paraphrasing a Source

Paraphrase of : Most Teens Aren't Active Enough, And It's Not Always Their Fault 


Original Source: 
"But it's not that teenagers no longer enjoy sports. In the study, teenage boys said their favorite physical activities outside of gym class were basketball, running, football, bicycling and walking. Girls favored running, walking, basketball, dancing and bicycling. Most studies of physical activity find boys more active than girls, and this one was no different. It found that 27 percent of boys and 22.5 percent of girls got the recommended one hour of exercise daily. That includes gym class, organized activities and play" (Neighmond, 2014). 

My Paraphrase: 
Most Teens Aren't Active Enough, And It's Not Always Their Fault discusses facts on teenagers loving different exercises that are not part of Physical Education programs at school. 

Outlining My Public Argument

1. Introduction- I am planning on using the Frame the Consequences introduction for my argument because it is important for people to understand the consequences revolving around childhood obesity. I am thinking about discussing different consequences that have taken place or will start to take place due to the lack of physical activity/ poor nutrition in schools or at homes in the U.S.

2. Body-
Major supporting arguments:
A. Physical inactivity of children in schools
B. Lack of a healthy diet/nutrition
C. The negative effects of social media and technology on childhood obesity

Major criticisms: 

D. Several schools do not require recess or Physical Education classes

E. Good quality food is expensive- parents have to buy cheaper, unhealthier food because they cannot afford to buy healthier food

F. Social media and technology allow children to become more socially/physically active

Key support/rebuttal points: I will be using all of my points listed above because I believe they are all very important and need to be addressed.

Tentative topic sentence for supports and rebuttals: 
A. One major contributing factor to childhood obesity is the lack of physical activity in schools and homes across the United States.
B. A healthy diet and the right amount of exercise affects the well-being of a child.
C. Living a sedentary life is one of the leading causes of childhood obesity.
D. Several states in the U.S. do not require schools to have Physical Education classes or recess because physical activity is not seen as a critical part of a student's day.
E. Numerous families cannot fit healthy foods into their grocery budget because the cost of nutritious food tends to be much higher than the cost of unhealthy food.
F. Social media and technology may have a positive influence on children.

Gather Evidence: 
A. Quote- "But just one in four teenagers between ages 12 and 15 actually get that one hour of exercise every day, Fakhouri says. She analyzed federal health data gathered from 800 teenagers in 2012" (Neighmond, 2014).
B. Quotes-  "Children who have poor diets -- whether because of a lack of food or because of patterns of eating that lead to inadequate intake of nutrients -- are prone to significant short-term and long-term health impacts and diseases" (Fleck). 
"Poor nutrition is one of the leading causes of obesity in children, a condition which can be very dangerous and lead to a lifetime of health complications" (Fleck). 
C. Quote- "During the past 20 years, the number of obese and overweight children has rapidly risen. One contributor to these climbing rates is the prevalence of technology and media that promotes sedentary behavior" (Cespedes, 2013).
D. Quote- "Too many kids weigh too much, but too few states and schools require recess or follow recommended guidelines for physical education" (Rochman, 2011). 
E. "Last December, researchers at Harvard published a paper scientifically examining a complaint common among conscientious eaters -- that healthy food is more expensive than junk" (Bekiempis, 2014). 
F. '"Online communication and social media are an increasing part of our lives and our overall social network of family, friends and peers," said Jennifer S. Li, M.D., M.H.S., chair of the writing group. "Healthcare providers should embrace its potential as a tool for promoting healthy behavioral change"' (American Heart Association, 2012). 

Map of Argument- I feel like my map of my argument is just like my outline above, with a conclusion that is below this statement. 

Conclusion-
I would like to use the Call to Action strategy for my public argument because I think it ties my points in together. It allows parents to see what they need to do in order to help end childhood obesity as well. I want to say something like this in my conclusion "It is vitally important for you to get your children up and moving throughout the day in order to sustain a healthy lifestyle. By encouraging your children to eat healthier and exercise at least one hour a day, you are promoting a healthy body and mind for your child."

Considering Types

I am considering the following argument types for my project: Position Argument, Casual Argument or Proposal Argument. In a Position Argument, you are defending a specific idea/ position and then developing "your own defenses of this position" (WPL 414). This would be a good choice to use for my argument because I can defend my side of the issue by using my own defenses. The Casual Argument would fit my project because it "introduces your audience to the causes of a specific problem" (WPL 414). If I used this argument, I would introduce my audience to the problems of childhood obesity and then discuss several different solutions to this problem. A Proposal Argument would also fit my project because it "analyzes a particular problem and then develops a proposal for addressing the problem in its thesis" (WPL 414). If I chose this argument, my presentation would include different solutions to the issue along with a thesis. I want to be able to discuss solutions to the childhood obesity epidemic, and I believe that either of these arguments will allow me to do just that!

Arguments that won't work for my project include:  Evaluative Argument and Refutation Argument. In the Evaluative Argument, it "evaluates the successfulness of a specific policy, idea, solution to a problem, etc." (WPL 414). I do not believe that I could argue on successes of childhood obesity because it is still a major issue in schools across the country. The Refutation Argument is supposed to refute, or contradict, "an idea, opinion, or argument of another person or group" (WPL 414). I believe that by using a contradiction of an argument about my issue, I will not be able to convince my audience as well as I would be able to with the three arguments I mentioned above. I personally would not want to read a refute about a specific issue because it would not convince me to take action on the issue, which is what I am trying to achieve in my project.

My Rhetorical Action Plan

Developing a Rhetorical Action Plan 

1. I am going to try to persuade parents involved in groups at their child's school or in their communities.

• Knowledge- The audience knows what childhood obesity is and some of the causes of it. They get this knowledge from reading about it online and also from news channels. They have opinions about this topic, for example, they believe that this is an important topic that needs to be addressed. 
• Values- Members of the audience might value children's health/ well-being. 
• Standards of Argument- I believe that statistics and quotes from experts on children's health would persuade my audience. By using basic statistics on childhood obesity, my audience will be able to understand the importance/severity of this issue. 
• Visual Elements- My audience might respond to pictures of overweight children because it appeals to their emotions. Pie charts or bar graphs might also have an affect on my audience because they are able to see different data records on childhood obesity. 
• Purpose- My audience is reading or listening to my argument because they care about the health and well-beings of children. I am trying to encourage my audience to take action on this issue. I believe that my argument will be highly likely to motivate my audience. 

2. Genre- I will be writing my argument in an animated presentation (Prezi).

• I chose this genre because it allows me to categorize specific points in my argument in a way that will interest my audience. I personally enjoy visual presentations more than reading a boring text, and I believe my audience will enjoy my presentation. 
• I could see this presentation being used in different social media sites like FaceBook or Storify. 
• In this genre, I will use rhetorical appeals by presenting pictures, videos, and facts.
• I will use pictures and videos in my presentation. 
• I will use an academic style for this genre. 

3. Responses/ Actions- 

Positive Support

Raise awareness of childhood obesity in schools. This would result in people taking action in putting a stop to childhood obesity. They might encourage children to eat healthier and exercise. 

Negative Rebuttal 

People would take offense to this presentation. This is important to address because my intentions are not to offend anyone on this issue. I am simply trying to encourage others to take action on this important issue. 

Analyzing Context

Reading the Context of Your Public Debate

1. Perspectives- Numerous people believe that childhood obesity is a crisis in schools around the U.S. that is only getting worse each year. On the other hand, numerous individuals believe there is not an issue with childhood obesity in our country. Others believe that childhood obesity may be an issue in our schools, but it is not enough to be considered a crisis. 
2. One major disagreement among these perspectives is physical activity and nutrition among adolescents. Without enough exercise and proper nutrition children become overweight, resulting in an increase of childhood obesity rates. 
3. The point of agreement among these individuals is that no matter what a child eats or how much/ how little they exercise, it affects the child's physical, mental and emotional well-being.
4. I do not believe there are any other ideological differences. 
5. Some actions the audience's perspectives and texts ask them to take include encouraging children to get the proper nutrition and exercise and have schools enforce physical activity during PE classes and sports programs. Other perspectives may ask the audience to take no action or to encourage their children to watch as much TV as they want and eat whatever they want. 
6. Some perspectives that are useful in supporting my own arguments on this issue include those that encourage a healthy diet and plenty exercise for adolescents. I chose these because I believe that there is a childhood obesity crisis within the schools around the country, and I want people to take action to help stop this crisis from spreading further. 
7. Perspectives that are the greatest threat to my argument would be the ones that oppose proper diet and nutrition because they go against my beliefs and arguments. I do not want parents or the public to encourage children to live unhealthy lives because that would threaten the lives of adolescents across the country! 

Analyzing Purpose

Thinking Through the Purpose of Your Pubic Argument 

1. Goals for public argument- I want my audience to understand the rising issue of childhood obesity in our schools and how important it is to take action in ending this epidemic. As a result of reading my public argument, I want my readers to feel capable of helping children become healthier and more active in schools. My argument will allow the audience to enforce schools to better their Physical Education courses by emphasizing exercising instead of sitting around during PE.

2. Plausible Actions/Reactions-

• Gaining more knowledge on childhood obesity in our schools 
• Encourage children to exercise for at least one hour a day- possibly exercising with their children (walking their pets, running, playing sports, etc.) 
• Provide healthier snacks/meals for children every day, at school and at home 

Not Plausible

• Encouraging children to watch more television or play more video games
• Allowing children to eat unhealthy foods all the time
• Not allowing children to exercise at school or at home

3. Plausible action effects- Gaining more knowledge on childhood obesity in our schools

• Encourages the audience to take action in stopping this crisis from growing more
• Help people urge schools to enforce physical activity in their PE/Sports programs 
• The public may encourage children to become more active and eat healthier 

4. Parents/family members are a main part of this audience because they care about the well-being of their children. They do not want their child(ren) to become obese, or they want to help their child lose weight. Educators and people involved with schools are part of the audience because they care about children and want to encourager them to become and stay healthy. 

Audience and Genre

Group 1: People who are in a Public Health major or who have a career in this field would be interested in this issue because childhood obesity focuses on the Health of a child. This group would find it important to know much more on this subject in order to educate themselves along with other individuals interested in this very important subject. Professors who are teaching on this subject would find it helpful to learn things they don't already know about childhood obesity in schools across America in order to educate their students about it. Places I might publish information on my research:

• American Heart Association website- scholarly articles: Social Media May Help Fight Childhood Obesity, What is Childhood Obesity?, and Limit Screen Time and Get Your Kids (and the Whole Family) Moving are all articles from this website about childhood obesity. 
• University/ college newspapers- Arizona Daily Wildcat. This would appeal to college students and faculty of course! 
• Social Media sites because numerous individuals use social media to keep up to date with important issues/ trends. - Facebook  

Group 2: People who work at elementary/middle schools or are involved with them across the nation. They can be teachers, parents, students, or school board members, etc. These individuals can be directly involved with this issue because they are part of schools whether they work there, attend there, or have children who attend. They want to learn more about this issue in order to promote healthy habits for children, and get rid of the obesity issue in schools. 

•  I would publish newsletters on school websites for parents, faculty members, and students. Some links to school websites include: Herkimer Central School District, Southeast Elementary School, and Evergreen Elementary.   
• Another place I could provide information for elementary/middle schools would be school blogs- 2 peas and a dog  

Extended Annotated Bibliography

Barnett, T.A., Goodman, E., Kemper, A.R., Wasserman, R.C. (2012). Social media might help fight  
     childhood obesity. American Heart Association. Retrieved from 
     http://newsroom.heart.org/news/social-media-may-help-fight-childhood-241222
        This article discusses the role social media plays in the childhood obesity epidemic. In a scientific statement made by the American Heart Association, social media may be able to help children conquer obesity. The information helped answer my question "How do technology and social media in today's world affect childhood obesity around the country?" by discussing the major influences social media has on this issue. More and more people are interacting through the use of social media, which is one main reason why it has such an impact on children and their health.

Caprio, S., Daniels, S.R., Drewnowski, A., Kaufman, F.R., Palinkas, L.A., Rosenbloom, A.L.,
     Schwimmer, J.B. (2008). Influence of race, ethnicity, and culture on childhood obesity:
     implications for prevention and treatment. The National Center for Biotechnology Information. 
     Retrieved from http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2571048/
         The authors of this text discuss the affects race, ethnicity, and culture have on childhood obesity. They answer several research questions about this important topic through the use of statistics and recorded data. This article helps answer my question "How do different cultures, racial and ethnic backgrounds affect childhood obesity in our country?" by using their research and analysis on obesity causes/affects on different cultures, races, and ethnicities.

Erin, A. (2013). Social media and the childhood obesity crisis. Alabama Media Group. Retrieved 
     from 
     http://www.al.com/living/index.ssf/2013/04/social_media_and_the_childhood_obesity_crisis.html
         In this article, the author discusses the connections between technology and childhood obesity. She talks about how technology and social media can have a negative or a positive affect on children. This question helps answer my question "How do technology and social media in today's world affect childhood obesity around the country?" by discussing the impacts technology can have for weight loss in; she uses exercise videos as an example.

Winterfield, A., (2014). State actions to reduce and prevent childhood obesity in schools and  
     communities summary and analysis of trends in legislation. National Conference of State 
     Legislatures. Retrieved from http://www.ncsl.org/documents/health/ChildhoodObesity52014.pdf 
         This statement discusses the alarming increase of childhood obesity rates within the past few decades and all of the health issues resulting from this issue. This text helps answer my question "What are school districts in the U.S. doing to reduce childhood obesity?" by addressing the reports on school policies for healthy eating and exercise. 

Narrowing My Focus

My favorite questions:

1.  How do different cultures, racial and ethnic backgrounds affect childhood obesity in our country?
I would like to find out the answer to this question because race and ethnicity play a large role in the different cultures around the United States. People with different backgrounds have different beliefs with various body types, therefore obesity may not be such an issue within different races/ethnicities.  I think that knowing the answer to this question would help resolve this rising issue and it will help people understand how different cultures are affected by this issue. 
2. How do technology and social media in today's world affect childhood obesity around the country?
I believe that technology and social media play a large and important role in finding out information on different events, movements, etc., and it affects people's views/opinions on different subjects. Learning the answer to this question would help understand what people are doing to resolve this issue or what they are not doing and how it has became such a major problem.  
3. What are school districts in the U.S. doing to reduce childhood obesity?
The answer to this question is important because knowing what schools are doing to help get rid of childhood obesity will help determine what they Should be doing. I believe that if more schools knew how to help resolve this issue in their districts, it would create a domino affect and more and more districts would eliminate childhood obesity!

Project 2 Final

I hope you all enjoy my Project 2 Final!   :)

Questions About Controversy

• Who questions: Who are the people that are mainly affected in this controversy? Who can put a stop to the childhood obesity epidemic? Who are some people that do not care about this issue, but are still part of it? Who are the groups/ organizations that have been trying to put an end to this issue? Who needs to do more to help get rid of obese children in schools across the U.S.? 
• What questions: What is the leading cause of childhood obesity in our school systems? What should we be doing to stop this issue from growing? What are some important key factors to consider when debating this issue? What do children/teenagers feel about this controversy? What are school districts in the U.S. doing to reduce the severity of this issue? 
• When questions: When did this issue become such a problem in the U.S.? When do researchers believe this epidemic will end? When did people begin to see a drastic change in the percentages of obesity among schools in the U.S.? When did parents begin realizing their children were part of this epidemic? When should we take drastic measures in order to end the childhood obesity epidemic? 
• Where questions: Where did the cause of this epidemic originate? Where in the U.S. do most cases of childhood obesity in schools take place? Where in the U.S. are the least amount of childhood obesity cases? Where can we start to help children across the U.S. from becoming severely obese? Where can we find more information on how to get rid of this issue? 
• How questions: How has social media in today's world changed people's views on obesity? How has the work of experts on this issue influenced the views of others? How can scholarly media be used to support different views/ideas on this subject? How can people who have not been introduced to this issue, gain information on this subject? How are different cultures in the U.S. affected by this epidemic?

Reflection on Project 2

1. I completely rewrote my introduction and conclusion because that was part of our project. I also revised specific parts of my paper where people commented, for example, I added explanations at the end of the quotes I used in my paper. I also adde pictures in my project when I was done with revising it all. 
2. After reading the comments my peers left on my two theses I wrote, I considered their suggestions when rewriting it. I also used the books for class to help outline my thesis and give me ideas on how to change it. 
3. I reconsidered my peers' comments and the instructor's comments when I changed my thesis. I value their opinions and suggestions, and I believe they helped me write a better and less specific thesis. 
4. I think that by using other people's suggestions when changing my paper, I gained more credibility as an author because I considered them as part of my audience and I wanted to appeal to them.  
5. I took their opinions into consideration when revising my paper, which may possibly appeal to the audience's feelings/emotions in a positive way. By doing so, I have better addressed my audience.
6. I believe that the chapters in the Clarity section really helped me revise my sentence structure and style because I understood how to better my sentences. Reading those chapters allowed me to look for specific mistakes and correct them, which definitely improved my paper. 
7. I believe that these changes will assist my audience in understanding my purpose because it clearer and supported better throughout my paper. I was able to expand on the quotes I used in my writing which allows the reader to understand what is going on inside my paper and what the author of the article I used is talking about. 
8. I had to reconsider some of the conventions of the genre in my writing because I changed up my paper. I had to see what I wanted to use, what needed to be taken out, and what needed to be added in order for the paper to flow together. This also helps the audience understand my points/ purpose in my paper. 
9. The process of reflection helps me reconsider my identity as a writer because I am able to look back at my work, what I did right and what I improved upon while revising. I have a better understanding of the type of writer I was and the type of writer I can be if I just take more time reading and revising my work. 

Clarity, Part 2

1. Needed words
2. Dangling Modifiers
3. Emphasis
4. Variety

1. After reading the chapter on Needed Words, I understood how ONE word can affect a sentence. I went through my paper ad found a few sentences that needed to be revised by adding needed words, and I also added a few sentences with needed words. One example is "This paper will provide a detailed analysis of this issue and the opinions of others on this important topic." In this sentence, I added "the" in front of "opinions" because it doesn't make sense to have "this issue... this opinions."
2. In the Dangling Modifiers chapter, I learned how to revise sentences that give false impressions to the reader, for example I changed the sentence "Establishing credibility allows Neighmond to gain trust in her audience," to "Quoting  professionals about this issue allows the audience to trust the author of this article." In the original sentence, it made it seem as if the author was trusting her audience, however I intended for the audience to trust the author. 
3. Another chapter I found helpful for my writing is the one on Emphasis because I understand how important it is to coordinate ideas that are similar. An example of this is in the following sentence: "According to her article, it is very important for children to exercise at least an hour a day, however a majority of teenagers do not get that hour of physical activity each and every day." In this sentence I use ",however" to link the two ideas into one sentence.
4. Variety is one chapter I found helpful with revising my writing because sentence variety spices up a paper, and allows the reader to stay engaged throughout the text. One sentence I revised was "After reading this part of the article, the audience would feel guilty for not encouraging their children to be more physically active at home or at school," because it was a little boring. The revision of the sentence is: "A feeling of guilt may fall upon the audience after reading this part of the article as they realize their are not encouraging their children to be more physically active." To me, this sentence is less boring!

Revised Conclusion.

I believe the second conclusion is better than the original because it does not completely restate what I talk about in the entire paper. The revised version does summarize claims, but it is not specific like the original. I kept the quote because I believe it is an important part of my paper.

Original Conclusion:

Patti Neighmond writes a very persuasive article by establishing trust with her audience and connecting to her audience on an emotional level. She successfully persuades her audience to help children become more physically active every day. Toward the end of her article, Neighmond writes a call to action to her audience, “Physically active kids become physically active adults. And that’s another critical reason, Sallis says, to help your kids get out and get moving” (Neighmond, 2014).   

Revised Conclusion:

Neighmond uses several rhetorical strategies to persuade her audience in helping their children and other children around the country become more physically active. The use of these strategies also allows her readers to trust that she is a credible source without insulting their expertise on this issue. At the end of her article, she mentions that “Physically active kids become physically active adults. And that’s another critical reason, Sallis says, to help your kids get out and get moving” (Neighmond, 2014). This call to action is an important piece of the article because it allows the readers to think about how they can help their children become and stay active.

Revised Introduction

                     
I feel that the new version of my intro is more successful because it does not give away too much information like my original does. I believe that my opening sentence is much better than my original as well!
                       Original Introduction:

In this day and age, childhood obesity in schools across the country has been an increasing issue in the eyes of numerous Americans. One of those Americans is Patti Neighmond, author of Most Teens Aren’t Active Enough, And It’s Not Always Their Fault. Neighmond encourages her audience to stand up against this issue by becoming more physically active with their children and enforcing schools to enforce physical activity in their Physical Education programs. Neighmond repeats important keywords such as  "physical activity" and uses effective organization of sentences, paragraphs, ideas, images, etc. to help convince her audience that they need to help end childhood obesity in schools around the country. Neighmond establishes credibility and knowledge about her subject by referencing credible sources and quoting experts on her argument. Neighmond's use of appeals to values or beliefs shared by the audience is one reason why the audience trusts her as the author, however this may also set a biased tone for non-supporters of this issue. 

Revised Introduction:

"Childhood obesity has more than doubled in children and quadrupled in adolescents in the past 30 years" (Carroll, Kit, Ogden, 2011-12). The article Most Teens Aren't Active Enough, And It's Not Always Their Fault by Patti Neighmond, is one example of how physical inactivity has resulted in a rise of childhood obesity throughout the schools in the United States. This paper will provide a detailed analysis of this issue and the opinions of others on this important topic. Neighmond effectively convinces her audience that they need to help end childhood obesity across the United States.

Reflection on Project 2 Draft

I reviewed Aaron and Brittany's drafts on project number 2.

• With this argument, I am trying to reach parents and anyone who is involved with our school systems, whether they are faculty members or members of different communities. 
• My readers might take one side of this argument over the other. For example, parents may side with the author's viewpoints on childhood obesity and they may be encouraged to help put a stop to this rising epidemic. I believe that I am respecting both sides of this issue by not throwing in any of my personal opinions on this important issue. 
• A majority of the people reading this analysis value children and their health. My paper reaches out to these values because I discuss the importance of this issue. 
• I need to give enough information out to my audience so they understand this issue and the different viewpoints on it. I believe that by providing a few quotes in my paper, I can achieve my goal for this project without insulting their expertise. 
• I believe that some formal language would be suitable for this audience. 
• My tone throughout my paper should be informative and serious because this is such an important topic to discuss about children in the U.S. education system. 

Clarity, Part 1

1. Parallel ideas116

2. Mixed constructions 123

3. Shifts 135

4. Wordy sentences 156

One of the clarity topics I chose is parallel ideas because I honestly did not know much about these ideas. I have learned that I can balance out sentences by using the same noun series and verb series. I did not know that it made such a large impact on writing. Mixed constructions is another topic I found vey helpful for my writing. One important thing I learned in this chapter is how to revise sentences with a faulty predication, or when the subject and the predicate do not make sense. I notice that I tend to switch the point of view in my writing. By reading the chapter on shifts I have learned some important tips on how to keep one point of view in my writing. Another important topic that will help with my writing is wordy sentences. It is important to get rid of redundancies in your sentences/paragraphs because it helps the flow of your writing. I hope I will be able to revise my writing now that I know more about these four topics.

Go back to your “Clarity, Part 1” blog post and edit the post. Under “Reflection” briefly discuss what more you learned about your four Clarity topics while peer reviewing your classmate’s drafts. Copy and paste at least one example sentence from each of your classmate’s drafts as examples and evidence in your discussion.
Reflection:

After peer reviewing my classmate's drafts, I have learned that sentences may make sense to the person writing them, but it does not make sense to someone else. For example, Aaron said "Students who weren’t even working for NASA were also being affected which helped Overbye confront a part of his audience that they might eventually be affected as well." This is an example of mixed conjunctions. An example of wordy sentences is in Brittany's paper where she mentions: "By bolding the pros and cons and by making the different types of schools available in a different color from the rest of the text the reader can visually see benefits of each school type without having to read the full article."

Draft of Rhetorical Analysis

I have commented in specific spots where I would really like some help revising in my paper. Please feel free to provide any suggestions on any part of my paper, I would really appreciate it!! :) Be as blunt as you need to be in order to help better my rhetorical analysis.

Here is my link: Draft of Rhetorical Analysis

Project 2 Outline

Introduction: I want to start my analysis with something like this: In this day and age, childhood obesity in schools across the country has been an increasing issue in the eyes of numerous Americans. One of those Americans is Patti Neighmond, author of Most Teens Aren't Active Enough, And It's Not Always Their Fault. Then I want to mention how the author encourages her audience to stand up against this issue by becoming more physically active with their children and complaining about the lack of physical activity in Physical Education classes. Thesis: Neighmond repeats important key words like "physical activity" and uses effective organization of sentences, paragraphs, ideas, images, etc. to help convince her audience that they need to help end childhood obesity in schools around the country. Neighmond establishes credibility and knowledge about her subject by referencing credible sources and quoting experts on her argument. Neighmond's use of appeals to values or beliefs shared by the audience is one reason why the audience trusts her as the author, however this may also set a biased tone for non-supporters of this issue. 

My Possible Analytical Claim: Patti Neighmond's Most Teens Aren't Active Enough, And It's Not Always Their Fault effectively supports arguments about childhood obesity being a result from physical inactivity in children, especially teenagers. (I really hope this is a good analytical claim). 

Support for this claim: Neighmond supports this argument by emphasizing key words such as "physical activity" throughout her article. 

Body Paragraph 1: I will focus my first body paragraph on Ethos. After reading Neighmond's Most Teens Aren't Active Enough, And It's Not Always Their Fault, I know that her ethos effectively convinces the audience that she is a reliable source/ has credible sources. (i.e., references to credible sources) 

Body Paragraph 2: I will focus this paragraph on Pathos. In her article, Neighmond persuades her audience to act upon childhood obesity in the United States education system through the use of emotional appeals. (i.e., repetition of key words, level of formality) 

The Conclusion: Patti Neighmond writes a very persuasive article by connecting to her audience on a formal level. She is able to convince her audience to stay active and keep their children physically active through her use of rhetorical strategies. 

Draft Thesis Statements

Theses Statements:

     1. In her online article Most Teens Aren't Active Enough, And It's Not Always Their Fault, Patti Neighmond repeats important key words such as "physical activity" and uses expert opinions to persuade her audience that they need to help get rid of childhood obesity throughout our schools. Neighmond's use of appeals to values or beliefs shared by the audience is one reason why the audience trusts her as the author, however this may also set a biased tone for non-supports of this issue.

     2. Patti Neighmond, author of Most Teens Aren't Active Enough, And It's Not Always Their Fault, uses effective organization of sentences, paragraphs, ideas, images, etc. to help convince her audience  that they need to help end childhood obesity in schools around the country. Neighmond establishes credibility and knowledge about her subject by referencing credible sources and quoting experts on her argument.

I think the wording on the first thesis could use some work, any suggestions? Thesis statements are always one of the hardest parts of writing for me. I want to discuss the author's use of key words and how she persuades/convinces her audience to put an end to childhood obesity. I think it will be difficult to organize my paper the way I want to, but by trying to work through one part of my thesis at a time, I should be able to piece it all together.


Reflection:

I replied to Jake's and Aaron's blog posts. From reading their drafts and comments on my post, I have learned that shorter thesis' may be better than longer ones because they get right to the point without any excessive information. Knowing this, I will be able to re-read through my paper and look for sentences/ paragraphs that are too long and need to be revised or too short and need to have more information.
Links to my peers' blog posts:
Jake
Aaron

Analyzing My Audience

• What are their beliefs and assumptions? The audience believes that the rise in the childhood obesity epidemic in our school systems needs to be addressed and we need to start resolving this issue. 
• What kind of language is appropriate for them? The language that would be appropriate for my audience would be formal. The use for slang and jargon would not be appropriate for this audience. 
• What are their sociopolitical and economic backgrounds? Their sociopolitical and economic backgrounds based on their social attitudes towards childhood obesity and the political policies of schools around the U.S. 
• What position might they take on this issue? The audience might take the position of being against childhood obesity and wanting to help contribute to resolving this issue. 
• What will they want to know? The audience will want to know what they can do to help children become more active as teenagers and help end childhood obesity in our schools.  
• In general, how can they best be persuaded?  The audience can best be persuaded by using facts and calls for action in the text. 

Cluster of Most Teens Aren't Active Enough, And It's Not Always Their Fault

In my cluster map, I numbered the bubbles to indicate which ones go with the different categories. The categories and their corresponding numbers are below:

1. Key rhetorical strategies used in the text by the author/speaker.
2. The specifics of the text's rhetorical situation (author, audience, context, message/purpose.
3. The cultural values and ideology embedded in the text.

I went through my blog posts from the last deadline and looked for the answers to the categories above.

Link to my cluster: Cluster of Rhetorical situation, cultural values and rhetorical strategies

Analyzing Rhetorical Strategies in Most Teens Aren't Active Enough, And It's Not Always Their Fault

Appeals to Credibility or Character

• Which items on the bulleted list of strategies on page 183 can you recognize in your text? Some of the items on the bulleted list I can recognize in my text include: word choice, tone, references to credible sources, visual arrangement, and appeals to values or beliefs shared by the audience. 
• How and why would the author use these strategies? The author uses these strategies by quoting professionals: '"There are these bursts of activity," says Jim Stallis, a professor of family and preventive medicine at the University of California, San Diego. "But if you think about it, one hour of playing football out on the field means that the vast majority of that time is spent standing around waiting for the next play"' (Neighmond, 2014). She also quotes an epidemiologist at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention "It also has affects on psychological well-being in kids and teens. It increases their capacity for learning, their self-esteem, and it may also help them deal with stress" (Neighmond, 2014).By quoting other professionals on the subject at hand, she adds credibility to her text. Neighmond also uses word choice, tone and visual arrangement to gain the trust of her audience. 
• How do these strategies affect the audience’s perception of the author’s credibility and character? These strategies affect the audience's perception of the author's credibility and character because the author appears knowledgeable to the audience by quoting other professionals on the subject matter. 
• How does the use of these strategies impact the effectiveness of the text’s overall message? The use of these strategies impacts the effectiveness of the text's overall message because it stresses the importance of childhood obesity by the use of quotes, word choice, tone, visual arrangements, and the appeals to the audience's values/beliefs. 
• Does the author seem to have any biases or assumptions that might impact his or her credibility? I believe the author has some bias towards the text because she diseases only one side of the issue of childhood obesity. Maybe if she discussed the other side of this issue, she would seem more credible to others reading this article. 

Appeals to Emotion 

• Which items on the bulleted list of strategies on page 184 can you recognize in your text? The items on the bulleted list I recognize in the text are: repetition of key words, tone and level of formality. 
• What emotional response is the author attempting to create? The emotional response the author is attempting to create may be fear or sadness. 
• What is the actual result? I believe the actual result is fear because the audience might be fearful that childhood obesity will only get worse throughout the years instead of getting better. 
• Are these emotions effective or ineffective for this particular audience and rhetorical situation? These emotions are effective for this audience and rhetorical situation because people may get motivated to encourage their children and others to become more physically active throughout their daily lives. 
• How do these emotional appeals affect the credibility of the author or the logic of the text? The emotional appeals affect the credibility of the author or the logic of the text because the audience is convinced that the issue of childhood obesity is Critical and needs attention now. 

Appeals to Logic

• Which items on the bulleted list of appeals on pages 184-5 can you recognize in your text? The items on the bulleted list I recognize in the text are: Expert opinions, case studies, effective organization of sentences paragraphs, idea, images, etc., and clear transitions/connections between sections of text. 
• What response is the author attempting to create by employing these strategies? The author is attempting to create a convinced response from the audience. 
• What is the actual result? "But just one in four young teenagers between 12 and 15 actually get that one hour of exercise every day, Fakhouri says. She analyzed federal health data gathered from 800 teenagers in 2012" (Neighmond, 2014). This quote may convince the audience of the rising epidemic in childhood obesity because not enough teens are getting the necessary amount of physical activity. 
• Are these strategies effective or ineffective for this particular audience and rhetorical situation? These strategies are effective in this rhetorical situation for this audience because the author is trying to make them understand how serious childhood obesity is in the U.S. school systems. 
• Which items on the list of logical fallacies on pages 185-6 can you recognize in your text? One logical fallacy I can recognize in this text is Casual Generalization. 
• What effect does the use of these logical fallacies have on the reader? This logical fallacy may have a negative affect on the reader. For example, the author states in her last paragraph that "Physically active kids become physically active adults" (Neighmond, 2014). In this example, the author is suggesting that all kids who are physically active will stay physically active when they grow up, however this is not necessarily always true. Plenty of adults who were once physically active as kids, are no longer in the sports they were in or participating in the physically active programs they were involved with.