Revised Conclusion.

I believe the second conclusion is better than the original because it does not completely restate what I talk about in the entire paper. The revised version does summarize claims, but it is not specific like the original. I kept the quote because I believe it is an important part of my paper.

Original Conclusion:

Patti Neighmond writes a very persuasive article by establishing trust with her audience and connecting to her audience on an emotional level. She successfully persuades her audience to help children become more physically active every day. Toward the end of her article, Neighmond writes a call to action to her audience, “Physically active kids become physically active adults. And that’s another critical reason, Sallis says, to help your kids get out and get moving” (Neighmond, 2014).   

Revised Conclusion:

Neighmond uses several rhetorical strategies to persuade her audience in helping their children and other children around the country become more physically active. The use of these strategies also allows her readers to trust that she is a credible source without insulting their expertise on this issue. At the end of her article, she mentions that “Physically active kids become physically active adults. And that’s another critical reason, Sallis says, to help your kids get out and get moving” (Neighmond, 2014). This call to action is an important piece of the article because it allows the readers to think about how they can help their children become and stay active.