Revised Conclusion.

I believe the second conclusion is better than the original because it does not completely restate what I talk about in the entire paper. The revised version does summarize claims, but it is not specific like the original. I kept the quote because I believe it is an important part of my paper.

Original Conclusion:

Patti Neighmond writes a very persuasive article by establishing trust with her audience and connecting to her audience on an emotional level. She successfully persuades her audience to help children become more physically active every day. Toward the end of her article, Neighmond writes a call to action to her audience, “Physically active kids become physically active adults. And that’s another critical reason, Sallis says, to help your kids get out and get moving” (Neighmond, 2014).   

Revised Conclusion:

Neighmond uses several rhetorical strategies to persuade her audience in helping their children and other children around the country become more physically active. The use of these strategies also allows her readers to trust that she is a credible source without insulting their expertise on this issue. At the end of her article, she mentions that “Physically active kids become physically active adults. And that’s another critical reason, Sallis says, to help your kids get out and get moving” (Neighmond, 2014). This call to action is an important piece of the article because it allows the readers to think about how they can help their children become and stay active.

Revised Introduction

                     
I feel that the new version of my intro is more successful because it does not give away too much information like my original does. I believe that my opening sentence is much better than my original as well!
                       Original Introduction:

In this day and age, childhood obesity in schools across the country has been an increasing issue in the eyes of numerous Americans. One of those Americans is Patti Neighmond, author of Most Teens Aren’t Active Enough, And It’s Not Always Their Fault. Neighmond encourages her audience to stand up against this issue by becoming more physically active with their children and enforcing schools to enforce physical activity in their Physical Education programs. Neighmond repeats important keywords such as  "physical activity" and uses effective organization of sentences, paragraphs, ideas, images, etc. to help convince her audience that they need to help end childhood obesity in schools around the country. Neighmond establishes credibility and knowledge about her subject by referencing credible sources and quoting experts on her argument. Neighmond's use of appeals to values or beliefs shared by the audience is one reason why the audience trusts her as the author, however this may also set a biased tone for non-supporters of this issue. 

Revised Introduction:

"Childhood obesity has more than doubled in children and quadrupled in adolescents in the past 30 years" (Carroll, Kit, Ogden, 2011-12). The article Most Teens Aren't Active Enough, And It's Not Always Their Fault by Patti Neighmond, is one example of how physical inactivity has resulted in a rise of childhood obesity throughout the schools in the United States. This paper will provide a detailed analysis of this issue and the opinions of others on this important topic. Neighmond effectively convinces her audience that they need to help end childhood obesity across the United States.

Reflection on Project 2 Draft

I reviewed Aaron and Brittany's drafts on project number 2.

• With this argument, I am trying to reach parents and anyone who is involved with our school systems, whether they are faculty members or members of different communities. 
• My readers might take one side of this argument over the other. For example, parents may side with the author's viewpoints on childhood obesity and they may be encouraged to help put a stop to this rising epidemic. I believe that I am respecting both sides of this issue by not throwing in any of my personal opinions on this important issue. 
• A majority of the people reading this analysis value children and their health. My paper reaches out to these values because I discuss the importance of this issue. 
• I need to give enough information out to my audience so they understand this issue and the different viewpoints on it. I believe that by providing a few quotes in my paper, I can achieve my goal for this project without insulting their expertise. 
• I believe that some formal language would be suitable for this audience. 
• My tone throughout my paper should be informative and serious because this is such an important topic to discuss about children in the U.S. education system. 

Clarity, Part 1

1. Parallel ideas116

2. Mixed constructions 123

3. Shifts 135

4. Wordy sentences 156

One of the clarity topics I chose is parallel ideas because I honestly did not know much about these ideas. I have learned that I can balance out sentences by using the same noun series and verb series. I did not know that it made such a large impact on writing. Mixed constructions is another topic I found vey helpful for my writing. One important thing I learned in this chapter is how to revise sentences with a faulty predication, or when the subject and the predicate do not make sense. I notice that I tend to switch the point of view in my writing. By reading the chapter on shifts I have learned some important tips on how to keep one point of view in my writing. Another important topic that will help with my writing is wordy sentences. It is important to get rid of redundancies in your sentences/paragraphs because it helps the flow of your writing. I hope I will be able to revise my writing now that I know more about these four topics.

Go back to your “Clarity, Part 1” blog post and edit the post. Under “Reflection” briefly discuss what more you learned about your four Clarity topics while peer reviewing your classmate’s drafts. Copy and paste at least one example sentence from each of your classmate’s drafts as examples and evidence in your discussion.
Reflection:

After peer reviewing my classmate's drafts, I have learned that sentences may make sense to the person writing them, but it does not make sense to someone else. For example, Aaron said "Students who weren’t even working for NASA were also being affected which helped Overbye confront a part of his audience that they might eventually be affected as well." This is an example of mixed conjunctions. An example of wordy sentences is in Brittany's paper where she mentions: "By bolding the pros and cons and by making the different types of schools available in a different color from the rest of the text the reader can visually see benefits of each school type without having to read the full article."

Draft of Rhetorical Analysis

I have commented in specific spots where I would really like some help revising in my paper. Please feel free to provide any suggestions on any part of my paper, I would really appreciate it!! :) Be as blunt as you need to be in order to help better my rhetorical analysis.

Here is my link: Draft of Rhetorical Analysis

Project 2 Outline

Introduction: I want to start my analysis with something like this: In this day and age, childhood obesity in schools across the country has been an increasing issue in the eyes of numerous Americans. One of those Americans is Patti Neighmond, author of Most Teens Aren't Active Enough, And It's Not Always Their Fault. Then I want to mention how the author encourages her audience to stand up against this issue by becoming more physically active with their children and complaining about the lack of physical activity in Physical Education classes. Thesis: Neighmond repeats important key words like "physical activity" and uses effective organization of sentences, paragraphs, ideas, images, etc. to help convince her audience that they need to help end childhood obesity in schools around the country. Neighmond establishes credibility and knowledge about her subject by referencing credible sources and quoting experts on her argument. Neighmond's use of appeals to values or beliefs shared by the audience is one reason why the audience trusts her as the author, however this may also set a biased tone for non-supporters of this issue. 

My Possible Analytical Claim: Patti Neighmond's Most Teens Aren't Active Enough, And It's Not Always Their Fault effectively supports arguments about childhood obesity being a result from physical inactivity in children, especially teenagers. (I really hope this is a good analytical claim). 

Support for this claim: Neighmond supports this argument by emphasizing key words such as "physical activity" throughout her article. 

Body Paragraph 1: I will focus my first body paragraph on Ethos. After reading Neighmond's Most Teens Aren't Active Enough, And It's Not Always Their Fault, I know that her ethos effectively convinces the audience that she is a reliable source/ has credible sources. (i.e., references to credible sources) 

Body Paragraph 2: I will focus this paragraph on Pathos. In her article, Neighmond persuades her audience to act upon childhood obesity in the United States education system through the use of emotional appeals. (i.e., repetition of key words, level of formality) 

The Conclusion: Patti Neighmond writes a very persuasive article by connecting to her audience on a formal level. She is able to convince her audience to stay active and keep their children physically active through her use of rhetorical strategies. 

Draft Thesis Statements

Theses Statements:

     1. In her online article Most Teens Aren't Active Enough, And It's Not Always Their Fault, Patti Neighmond repeats important key words such as "physical activity" and uses expert opinions to persuade her audience that they need to help get rid of childhood obesity throughout our schools. Neighmond's use of appeals to values or beliefs shared by the audience is one reason why the audience trusts her as the author, however this may also set a biased tone for non-supports of this issue.

     2. Patti Neighmond, author of Most Teens Aren't Active Enough, And It's Not Always Their Fault, uses effective organization of sentences, paragraphs, ideas, images, etc. to help convince her audience  that they need to help end childhood obesity in schools around the country. Neighmond establishes credibility and knowledge about her subject by referencing credible sources and quoting experts on her argument.

I think the wording on the first thesis could use some work, any suggestions? Thesis statements are always one of the hardest parts of writing for me. I want to discuss the author's use of key words and how she persuades/convinces her audience to put an end to childhood obesity. I think it will be difficult to organize my paper the way I want to, but by trying to work through one part of my thesis at a time, I should be able to piece it all together.


Reflection:

I replied to Jake's and Aaron's blog posts. From reading their drafts and comments on my post, I have learned that shorter thesis' may be better than longer ones because they get right to the point without any excessive information. Knowing this, I will be able to re-read through my paper and look for sentences/ paragraphs that are too long and need to be revised or too short and need to have more information.
Links to my peers' blog posts:
Jake
Aaron

Analyzing My Audience

• What are their beliefs and assumptions? The audience believes that the rise in the childhood obesity epidemic in our school systems needs to be addressed and we need to start resolving this issue. 
• What kind of language is appropriate for them? The language that would be appropriate for my audience would be formal. The use for slang and jargon would not be appropriate for this audience. 
• What are their sociopolitical and economic backgrounds? Their sociopolitical and economic backgrounds based on their social attitudes towards childhood obesity and the political policies of schools around the U.S. 
• What position might they take on this issue? The audience might take the position of being against childhood obesity and wanting to help contribute to resolving this issue. 
• What will they want to know? The audience will want to know what they can do to help children become more active as teenagers and help end childhood obesity in our schools.  
• In general, how can they best be persuaded?  The audience can best be persuaded by using facts and calls for action in the text. 

Cluster of Most Teens Aren't Active Enough, And It's Not Always Their Fault

In my cluster map, I numbered the bubbles to indicate which ones go with the different categories. The categories and their corresponding numbers are below:

1. Key rhetorical strategies used in the text by the author/speaker.
2. The specifics of the text's rhetorical situation (author, audience, context, message/purpose.
3. The cultural values and ideology embedded in the text.

I went through my blog posts from the last deadline and looked for the answers to the categories above.

Link to my cluster: Cluster of Rhetorical situation, cultural values and rhetorical strategies

Analyzing Rhetorical Strategies in Most Teens Aren't Active Enough, And It's Not Always Their Fault

Appeals to Credibility or Character

• Which items on the bulleted list of strategies on page 183 can you recognize in your text? Some of the items on the bulleted list I can recognize in my text include: word choice, tone, references to credible sources, visual arrangement, and appeals to values or beliefs shared by the audience. 
• How and why would the author use these strategies? The author uses these strategies by quoting professionals: '"There are these bursts of activity," says Jim Stallis, a professor of family and preventive medicine at the University of California, San Diego. "But if you think about it, one hour of playing football out on the field means that the vast majority of that time is spent standing around waiting for the next play"' (Neighmond, 2014). She also quotes an epidemiologist at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention "It also has affects on psychological well-being in kids and teens. It increases their capacity for learning, their self-esteem, and it may also help them deal with stress" (Neighmond, 2014).By quoting other professionals on the subject at hand, she adds credibility to her text. Neighmond also uses word choice, tone and visual arrangement to gain the trust of her audience. 
• How do these strategies affect the audience’s perception of the author’s credibility and character? These strategies affect the audience's perception of the author's credibility and character because the author appears knowledgeable to the audience by quoting other professionals on the subject matter. 
• How does the use of these strategies impact the effectiveness of the text’s overall message? The use of these strategies impacts the effectiveness of the text's overall message because it stresses the importance of childhood obesity by the use of quotes, word choice, tone, visual arrangements, and the appeals to the audience's values/beliefs. 
• Does the author seem to have any biases or assumptions that might impact his or her credibility? I believe the author has some bias towards the text because she diseases only one side of the issue of childhood obesity. Maybe if she discussed the other side of this issue, she would seem more credible to others reading this article. 

Appeals to Emotion 

• Which items on the bulleted list of strategies on page 184 can you recognize in your text? The items on the bulleted list I recognize in the text are: repetition of key words, tone and level of formality. 
• What emotional response is the author attempting to create? The emotional response the author is attempting to create may be fear or sadness. 
• What is the actual result? I believe the actual result is fear because the audience might be fearful that childhood obesity will only get worse throughout the years instead of getting better. 
• Are these emotions effective or ineffective for this particular audience and rhetorical situation? These emotions are effective for this audience and rhetorical situation because people may get motivated to encourage their children and others to become more physically active throughout their daily lives. 
• How do these emotional appeals affect the credibility of the author or the logic of the text? The emotional appeals affect the credibility of the author or the logic of the text because the audience is convinced that the issue of childhood obesity is Critical and needs attention now. 

Appeals to Logic

• Which items on the bulleted list of appeals on pages 184-5 can you recognize in your text? The items on the bulleted list I recognize in the text are: Expert opinions, case studies, effective organization of sentences paragraphs, idea, images, etc., and clear transitions/connections between sections of text. 
• What response is the author attempting to create by employing these strategies? The author is attempting to create a convinced response from the audience. 
• What is the actual result? "But just one in four young teenagers between 12 and 15 actually get that one hour of exercise every day, Fakhouri says. She analyzed federal health data gathered from 800 teenagers in 2012" (Neighmond, 2014). This quote may convince the audience of the rising epidemic in childhood obesity because not enough teens are getting the necessary amount of physical activity. 
• Are these strategies effective or ineffective for this particular audience and rhetorical situation? These strategies are effective in this rhetorical situation for this audience because the author is trying to make them understand how serious childhood obesity is in the U.S. school systems. 
• Which items on the list of logical fallacies on pages 185-6 can you recognize in your text? One logical fallacy I can recognize in this text is Casual Generalization. 
• What effect does the use of these logical fallacies have on the reader? This logical fallacy may have a negative affect on the reader. For example, the author states in her last paragraph that "Physically active kids become physically active adults" (Neighmond, 2014). In this example, the author is suggesting that all kids who are physically active will stay physically active when they grow up, however this is not necessarily always true. Plenty of adults who were once physically active as kids, are no longer in the sports they were in or participating in the physically active programs they were involved with. 

Analyzing My Audience.

Questions We Might Ask When Analyzing the Text's Relationship to Its Social or Cultural Setting

1.  One of the values of the culture that plays a vital role in this text is familial values. 
2. The text directly addresses the value by discussing how families need to encourage their children to be more active and that families can exercise together. It gives examples about how families can go for walks together or play sports together. 
3. The relationship between the text and the familial value is critical because more and more children around the United States suffer from childhood obesity, and by encouraging children to stay active or become active this issue will start to diminish overtime. 

Analyzing My Own Assumptions

Analyzing the Text’s Relationship to Our Own Cultural Assumptions

1. One cultural or social value we share with the society/culture in which the text was written is the value of children. Whether you are a parent or not, a majority of the U.S. population values children as they are a vital part of our society. There are several people who have careers revolving around children because they want to help them, whether they educate children or counsel them. 
2. Some people in our society may not value physical education and believe it is not an important part of a child's life. They may feel that a child should not have to go outside and play sports with other children because sitting at home watching television is better for them. 
3. The text is not written in a culture that is different or distant than our own culture. 
4. I do not believe the text is written in a different historical time because it was written last February, and childhood obesity is still a major issue around the United States. 

EDIT: After reading two of my classmate's Blog posts, I learned that people have different opinions on what they read about. For example, in Jake's post, he shared his opinion on intimacy between robots and humans. 

Links to two classmate's posts: 

Jake       

Jess

Analyzing Message in Most Teens Aren't Active Enough, And It's Not Always Their Fault

Message and Purpose:

• Out of all the bullet points on page 182, which seem most relevant to your text’s message and purpose? Why? Some of the bullet points that seem most relevant to the message and purpose of my text are: Express an idea or opinion, Persuade readers of something, and Advocate for change. These points are the most relevant to me because the author is expressing their opinion about childhood obesity and how it has become an epidemic. The author is trying to encourage parents/ guardians to motivate their children to stay physically active; parents should also push more schools to increase the levels of activity in their PE programs. 
• Which bullet points do not seem relevant to your text’s message and purpose? Why not? One bullet point that does not seem relevant to the message and purpose is: Inform the reader about a topic that is often misunderstood. I do not feel that childhood obesity in schools is a misunderstood topic because most people should know what childhood obesity is whether or not they feel it is an issue in today's world or not. 
• Are there nuances and layers to the message the author/speaker is trying to get across? If so, what are they? If not, why not? There are nuances and layers the author is trying to get across. One example is how the author begins talking about the epidemic of childhood obesity and then goes on to discuss the contributing factors of this epidemic. The author mentions several resolutions to this issue by encouraging children to be more physically active with their families, friends and at school. 

Cultural Analysis of Most Teens Aren't Active Enough, And It's Not Always Their Fault

by Patti Neighmond 

Previewing: This text was published in February of 2014, a year where childhood obesity was a major issue. Today, childhood obesity is still a major issue throughout the United States school systems. Numerous parents, teachers, students and individuals believe this is a critical issue that needs to be addressed now! They believe that if children are obese now, they will most likely be obese in their adult lives. However, several individuals believe there is no issue with childhood obesity in our school systems today, and that cutting PE classes off saves money and does not effect the students. I looked up this article on Google and saw that people on Twitter have tweeted and favorited it. Others have commented their opinions about this article and about how sports have became focused more on competition in the U.S., and less on children having fun and staying active.
Skim for cultural references: I believe that one of the main cultural references in this text is sports because the United States is a country that is really big on sports such as football and baseball. The text mentions that children should play sports to stay active and that several teenagers enjoy playing different sports.
Skim for cultural values: One cultural value that is emphasized throughout this article is the importance of staying active. Numerous children nowadays do not get the necessary amount of time to stay active as they should be getting. Schools are getting rid of their PE classes and cutting down recess time to about 15 minutes each day, leaving approximately 45 minutes to sit around and eat lunch. I believe that this article is trying to address the issue of childhood obesity because our culture values physical activity.
Reread and narrow your focus: Some of the most important ideas in this text include:

• Children should be getting at least one hour of physical activity a day- benefits the physical and mental well-beings of a child because it strengthens bones, alleviates stress and increases their capabilities to learn.
• Not enough teenagers are getting the amount of physical activity they need- watching TV is one main contributing factor to this issue. 
• Another contributor- more and more schools have been cutting back on their Physical Education programs. 
• Another contributor- parents because they are worried about the safety of their children and want them indoors instead of outdoors. 
• In several studies, boys are more physically active than girls. 
• Recommendations to resolve this issue: families can become more physically active together. Parents need to pressure schools to bring back their PE programs or to increase the amount of physical activity in their programs. 

1. Important cultural keywords: physical activity (or exercise), obesity and teenagers/children. 
2. Number of times each word or a synonym is used: Physical activity/ exercise- Eleven times, Obesity: two times, Teenagers/children: Seventeen times. 
3. and 4: Cultural Keyword Cluster 

Evaluation of Rhetorical Situations

Text 1: Most Teens Aren't Active Enough, And It's Not Always Their Fault

Author/ Speaker: The author of this text is Patti Neighmond, National Public Radio's health policy correspondent. She is also an award-winning journalist who has won several awards including the George Foster Peabody Award and the Robert F. Kennedy Award. Patti received her Bachelor's in English and drama from the University of Maryland and now lives in Los Angeles with her family. 

Audience: The intended audience of this text is parents and educators or people who work for the education system, specifically people in charge of physical education programs at schools. These people care about their child's health or the health of other children. The text talks about physical activity among teens and children and how they do not receive enough of it, which lead me to believe the intended audience was parents and people involved with physical education. 

Context: The date of publication is February 3, 2014. The medium used to deliver this message was media, specifically a radio station. Contemporary events that may have shaped the author's views and audience's responses could be the rise of child obesity in U.S. school districts. One social movement related to the topic is Let's Move! created by First Lady Michelle Obama. This movement was initiated to help end child obesity and create a stronger and healthier generation of children. The city in which this text was published is San Diego, California. Another related article is To Get Kids Exercising, Schools Are Becoming Creative by Maanvi Singh. 

Text 2: The impact of Arizona’s education budget cuts

Author/ Speaker: This text was written by Alexandra Muller Arboleda, a former water lawyer and second grade school teacher/ logic teacher.

Audience: I think the intended audience for this text is students who are able to understand the effects budget cuts have on their education in Arizona. Parents of children who are effected by these budget cuts may also be part of the audience because they care about their child's education.

Context: This text was published on March 18, 2015. The medium used to deliver this message is an online magazine called Raising Arizona Kids. The recent budget cuts serve as the events that have shaped the author's views and audience's responses.

Text 3: Parent Involvement in Education- What Really Matters Most? 

Author/ Speaker: Jean Johnson is the author of this text and she is a Senior Fellow and Special Advisor for the Public Agenda organization. She has worked with this organization for over a decade and has authored several texts on education, health care, the federal budget, and other works.

Audience: I believe the audience for this work is mainly for parents because it discusses the benefits of students having parents involved with their schooling. I believe this author's intention is to get more parents involved with their student's education in order for them to have a successful future.

Context: This text was published on September 8, 2014 and the medium is on a blog on the Public Agenda organization website. Bethere.org is one social movement related to this text because it helps encourage parents to get involved in their child's education.

Developing a Research Question

There are several debates about the education system in America. Some arguments may include school policies, national standards, school reform, child health and child development. I would like to focus my attention towards child health or funding of schools.

Research questions: 1.  How does the lack of physical activity contribute to childhood obesity? 2. What effects do budget cuts have on child education in Arizona public schools? 3. How does the amount of parental involvement correlate with child performance in schools? 4. What role could the implementation of national standards play throughout school districts in the United States?

I would enjoy finding out the answers to any of these questions because I care about the education system in America. I also care about child education and health especially because I have so many family members that are apart of that generation.

Project #1 Final

I was still not able to Embed my final project on Blogger so I have attached the link here: Project 1 Final

Reflection on Project 1

• During the QRG project, some of the challenges I had were figuring out how to start my introduction, how to organize my QRG, and what I wanted my title to be for each heading and for the entire QRG. I ended up jotting down ideas for my introduction and once I finished my rough draft, I cleaned up my intro. For each heading I asked my sister to help with the titles and I also looked at the information I mostly discussed in each section and started writing down possible headings. From there, I just chose the one I liked the most. 
• I thought I was successful in using quotes throughout my QRG because reading the chapters in the RFW and SG books helped me understand how to use a quote in my writing. 
• The most effective design choice for my project came from the QRG about the Gamegate. I felt that this design best suited my controversy because it was kind of formal and eye-catching. Some of the rhetorical strategies that helped me in this project are: visual arrangement, appeals to values or beliefs shared by the audience, personal stories, references to credible sources, and images. Images helped create an emotional appeal for my audience and the visual arrangement helps to catch the reader's eye when reading the text. Appealing to the audience's values/ beliefs and personal stories allows the reader to gain my trust in using credible sources.
• The writing process for this project was similar to other writing experiences I had in the past because I have had to research and use credible sources, cite them, quote them, and analyze them.
• The writing process for this project was different to other experiences I had in the past because I have never written an annotated bibliography before. I have also never written blogs/reflections on different stages of my writing processes nor have I ever written a QRG before.
• The skills I used in this project would definitely be helpful in other coursework because I am able to find all sorts of credible sources by referring back to this project. I am also able to format other coursework in different ways and use different strategies to appeal to different audiences. 

Identifying Basic Grammar Patterns

This activity taught me how to improve my sentences by looking at different structures and patterns I can use in paragraphs. I learned about grammar in high school, however this is a nice refresher to help me with this assignment along with other assignments to come! I definitely want to spend more time on structuring my sentences to flow better throughout my writing.

Link to my annotated paragraph: Identifying Basic Grammar Patterns

Reflection on Project 1 Draft.

I have not had the chance to review Helen's QRG at this time.

• My peers along with my teacher are my audience for this Quick Reference Guide. 
• My readers might take one side over the other in this controversy. Some of them may feel that police have mistreated their suspects, while others may believe that officers use lawful force against their suspects. My QRG does not favor one side over another in my paper which respects their opinions. 
• I believe my readers value their opinions and views on this controversy. They may expect to learn about police brutality and the different incidents involving accusations against police mistreatment and police-related homicides. I adequately meet these expectations as I provide information on these topics. 
• I need to give my audience enough information on the controversy to be able to understand both sides of this issue. I believe that a couple or few paragraphs on  different key points of the issue will be enough information for my readers. I will however, provide more information on police training in my QRG because one of my peers suggested adding more information on this topic. 
• Language that is appropriate for my audience is simple and contains law enforcement terms that most people know nowadays, an example would be "taser or tasering/tasing."
• The tone of my controversial analysis is more formal because of the seriousness of this topic. Some people may believe the tone is emotional when reading the police-related homicides because of the brutality of the events.  

Integrating a Quote

In this screenshot, the red-colored text represents the quotes I used from my chosen article. The green highlighted text represents the signal phrases, and the purple text represents the boundaries.

Draft of Quick Reference Guide

I wrote my Quick Reference Guide on Police Brutality in the United States. I quote several different people on their views about police misconduct. In this QRG, I included information regarding several fatal police homicides. I have never written a QRG before, so I really look forward to reading your comments on it! :) Please don't be shy with your comments, I would love to use any comments/ critiques from you in my revision. I find it difficult to write introductions, so any comments on how to change it up and better my introduction would be especially helpful!:)

Here is the link to my QRG 

Summary of: Excessive or reasonable force by police? Research on law enforcement and racial conflict

1. The article Excessive or reasonable force by police? Research on law enforcement and racial conflict, discusses several fatal events involving police officers in different states in the U.S. Several people believe that officers often mistreat people belonging to minority groups such as African-Americans and Hispanics. These minorities have low amounts of trust for law enforcement. Information involving an officer shooting someone from a minority is not the most reliable information because not all events are recorded. According to this article, reporting data about the number of incidents in which police use force on a person is voluntary which means that not all data will be recorded. The article contains statistics on all types of incidents where police were recorded to have uses some type of force. Other information in the statistics includes complaints. This information, however, is only updated every few years, which means the stats may be completely different from one year to the next. In another research, the African-American minority group is more likely to be shot by an officer than the Caucasian majority. According to a different report, the use of Tasers reduces the number of injury rates between police and citizens alike. Body cameras have made a great impact by aiding in the improvement of police and citizen behavior between interactions. Some of the main claims in this article include:  accusations made against officers who used excessive force against a citizen(s), the mistrust between minority groups and law enforcement, the lack of records involving officers using force, statistics on the likelihood of the African-American minority group being shot by police officers, the benefits of using Tasers to help reduce the number of injury rates, and the benefits of using body cameras. 

2. According to this article, several people have made complaints on the mistreatment of police officers, which has reduced the trust in law enforcement by minority groups. There is also lack of data on the number of times officers use excessive force against a citizen. 

3. I believe I included the necessary information in my summary and have not added too much information. 

4. I like how Jake summarized each paragraph on its own, it seemed to really work well with his topic and the article he chose. We have different main claims because our topics for our first essay are very different. 

QRGs, the Genre

• From what I understand about conventions of a genre, I believe that some of the conventions for these genres include African American minorities or police officers beating people.    
• Some of the authors use videos or pictures from an eyewitness to support their purpose or main ideas. Other authors use headings to provide an analysis of the paragraphs that follow that heading. 
•  One purpose of the QRGs is to serve as eye openers of crises that are occurring in the United States.  An example is the article on Puerto Rico's debt crisis because the article is informing its audience on the reasons why Puerto Rico is in so much debt. 
• The intended audiences differ between the QRG's. For example, I believe the targeted audience in the Stem Cell Quick Reference is intended for students interested in stem cell research or who want to know the difference between stem cells. These students might be writing a research paper on Stem Cells. The intended audience for the Gamergate article are women who believe they have equal rights to gaming as everybody else. 

Edit:

I commented on Jake's blog post and mentioned that we had similar ideas. I liked how Jake mentioned that the audiences of QRGs are different yet they all appeal to researchers and people who quick read. 

In Jess' blog, I agree with her claim that QRGs are not meant for taking a particular side on an issue, but rather for educating readers on the subject matter. 

Helen went into much more detail on each QRG from our class! I liked how she mentioned the similar audiences and different levels of education. Her viewpoint on audiences seems to be a little different than Jake's.

Based on what I have learned about QRGs, I will look back on my own QRG and see if my audience fits in well with it and will look into changing it up a bit if it does not. 

Cluster of Police Brutality Controversy

In order to set up my cluster, I looked back on my blog posts and wrote down the similarities and differences between the two sides of my controversy in different articles. Then I read the list of key points I needed to include in my cluster and looked back at my blog posts to help include all the information from the list. To clarify- the center of my cluster is: "Police brutality/ use of excessive force against citizens" and the circle above that is a similarity between the two sides.

You can find my cluster by clicking on the following link:
Selena's Cluster 

Annotated Bibliography in APA Style

APA Style 

Bowe, R. (2015). Controversial police incident in the mission caught on video. Retrieved from http://ww2.kqed.org/news/2015/04/04/controversial-police-incident-in-the-mission-caught-on-video

                  Another incident involving law enforcement officers was caught on videotape in this article. The author mentions that several people who were nearby the scene were shocked and terrified at what the police officers were doing to the other person. According to some people, the man involved was completely innocent, however according to the police officers, he tried to hit one of them. I can use the information in this story to help support my argument that there are always two sides to every story in this controversy.                  

Cohen, S., Wines, M. (2015). Police killings rise slightly, though increased focus may suggest  otherwise. New York Times. Retrieved from http://www.nytimes.com/2015/05/01/us/no-sharp-rise-seen-in-police-killings-though-increased-focus-may-suggest-otherwise.html 

                  The authors talk about several occurrences in which police have killed several black people. They mention how even the President agrees with others when it comes to how often this fatal act occurs in our law enforcement today. The authors use data from other sources to help support their statistics on the number of police killings that occur annually. They also use interviews to add credibility to facts on their information in this article. This information will be helpful for me in my controversy analysis as I will be discussing statistics on how often police brutality incidents occur.

Craven, J. (2015). Want to know more about Baltimore's black-white divide? Ask the teens who live there. The Huffington Post. Retrieved from http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/baltimore-teens-speak-on-what-their-community-needs_55ad5807e4b0caf721b39444?utm_hp_ref=police-brutality
                The article and the video that corresponds with it is about teens who live in Baltimore and their opinions on their city. They talk about how their community is divided among neighborhoods and poverty and people. These neighborhoods are extremely impoverished and most of their populations are African-Americans.

Elinson, Z., Frosch, D. (2015). Cost of police-misconduct cases soars in big U.S. cities. The Wall Street Journal. Retrieved from http://www.wsj.com/articles/cost-of-police-misconduct-cases-soars-in-big-u-s-cities-1437013834 
              The authors in this article discuss the amount of money police departments around the U.S. pay due to several incidents involving police wrongdoings.

Kille, L. W., Wihbey, J. (2015). Excessive or reasonable force by police? Research on law enforcement and racial conflict. Journalist’s Resource. Retrieved from http://journalistsresource.org/studies/government/criminal-justice/police-reasonable-force-brutality-race-research-review-statistics

                 One of the main ideas of this article is the different events that have occurred involving police attacking civilians. The authors use specific events, names of victims and family members to add credibility to their story. This article also discusses different views on the use of excessive force- is it too much? Not enough? The information provided in this source will help me address the arguments made by the victims and family members of police misconduct events.

Ifill, S. (2015). Statement by the NAACP Legal Defense and Educational Fund, Inc. Before the President’s Task Force on 21st Century Policing. Retrieved from http://www.naacpldf.org/files/case_issue/Sherrilyn%20Ifill%20Testimony-Task%20Force%20on%2021st%20Century%20Policing.pdf
                  This statement includes several recommendations made by the NAACP Legal Defense and Educational Fund, Inc for local law enforcement agencies. The statement focuses mainly on the mistreatment of African Americans against police officers. I can use these recommendations as examples of how people want to better our law enforcement in the United States. 

Kucher, K. (2015). Deputy shows bite mark from taser incident. The San Diego Union-Tribune. Retrieved from http://www.utsandiego.com/news/2015/jun/14/deputy-tasing-teen-fallbrook-investigation/ 
                 This article and the video that was recorded of the incident is about a deputy who tased a 13 year old boy that did not obey his orders. The deputy repeatedly asked the teen to comply with his orders, however the boy refused to listen and bit him on the arm. The deputy then tased the teen to the ground, and in the video there are numerous outraged individuals shouting things like "he is just a boy. He's 13."

Mccarthy, A. C. (2015). Freddie Gray autopsy report deals blow to murder charges. National Review. Retrieved from http://www.nationalreview.com/article/420274/freddy-gray-autopsy-report-deals-blow-murder-charges-andrew-c-mccarthy?target=topic&tid=3325
               This article discusses the incident that resulted in Freddie Gray's death, and the autopsy that was withheld for months. According to the article, Freddie Gray was yelling and banging in the police van until finally being restrained from the ankles and wrists. While in the van, Gray suffered a severe spinal injury which was the result of his death.

Roberts, N. (2015). Controversial Pittsburgh police chief gives thumbs-up to officer’s protest art. The Root. Retrieved from http://www.theroot.com/articles/news/2015/07/controversial_pittsburgh_police_chief_gives_thumbs_up_to_officer_s_protest.html
                   Roberts discusses Pittsburg Police Chief Cameron McLay’s reaction to a law enforcement officer’s painting on police brutality. He uses quotes from a statement that Chief McLay made. The use of quotes help people understand the different views that even law enforcement has on the issue of police brutality. I can use this information to help support my ideas on how people have different views on excessive force against civilians.

Segan, S. (2015).  What is excessive force?. ABC News. Retrieved from http://abcnews.go.com/US/story?id=96509
                  This article is about two incidents that occurred in Philadelphia involving police misconduct against people. Both events were caught on camera. Several people define excessive force in different ways, which makes it harder to determine whether a police officer was using excessive force or not. By using this data in my paper, I can help support both sides of my controversy. 

Ideology in My Controversy

• Local law enforcements and civilians are involved with my controversy. More specifically, police and the black minorities are the main groups involved in my research topic. 
• The major speakers involved are just civilians speaking out against police brutality, however other individuals believe police officers are not using excessive force against civilians. Some of the writers include Sherrilyn Ifill, Nigel Roberts, John Wihbey and Leighton Walter Kille.
• The law enforcement officers have governmental and political power, the victims have some political power and rights as citizens of the United States.
• The police officers value their jobs, lives, reputations, and families because they are providing for them. The civilians also value their lives and are willing to sacrifice a lot in order to save themselves and their families. 
• I have found that several cops in my sources believe they have power over civilians because they have the government to protect them. Civilians believe they are being treated unfairly against police officers because they use unnecessary force against them. 
• Others in my research believe that both police officers and civilians hold the same amount of power against one another. I consider this an acknowledged common ground between the groups. 
• Since several people believe they are being treated as unequal to law enforcement, there is also a form of unacknowledged common ground. 
• Several incidents have been taken to court where the officer(s) have been found guilty or innocent. Other incidents have been protested by the minority groups where these groups take matters into their own hands and have caused even more harm to other civilians and police officers. 

Evaluation of Social Media Sources

Source 1:

• Credibility: The social media was not posted by a single person, however it was posted by a nonprofit organization known as the On Earth Peace. 
• Location: The organization is not in the location they are posting about, however this organization supports equality among others. They also support the Black Lives Matter movement which is directly related to my controversy. 
• Network: Several of my friends on Facebook like the On Earth Peace page. I have found several well known church organizations associated with this page on Facebook and Twitter. 
• Content: The information the page posted on Facebook was found on another website/source page.  
• Contextual Updates: This Facebook has posted other related topics on their Timeline. Another post mentions how black deaths matter only if they are posed in a picture where they are protesting or where others are involved with racist paraphernalia. 
• Age: From what I found on Facebook, it looks like this page was created in the year 2011. 
• Reliability: I conducted brief information on the On Earth Peace organization and the source of the information is reliable. 

Source 2: 

• Credibility: ABC News posted the social media message on Facebook. I know this is a credible source because I watch ABC News and have followed up with several of their stories on the internet. 
• Location: There is an ABC News location in Philadelphia, which is where the event on the Facebook post occurred. I would consider ABC News as directly involved with the scene because the news channel filmed the aftermath of the incident.
• Network: Several well known news reporters work with ABC News and several governors/ senators follow them on Facebook and Twitter. 
• Content: The information posted on their Facebook account can be corroborated from other sources. 
• Contextual updates: Other related topics are on their Facebook page including posts about federal prisons and guards. 
• Age: The Facebook account was created back in 2009. 
• Reliability: I have found information about this post on other reliable  websites.

Evaluation of Scholarly Sources

Source 1:

• The purpose of this article is to inform readers about how the rise of excessive force and killings by police officers has risen within the past few years. It also discusses past deaths in certain areas around the United States and statistics on police homicides. 
• This text was published in the New York Times. 
• The authors did not cite any sources in their article. 
• The authors are Michael Wines and Sara Cohen. Wines is a journalist for the New York Times and Cohen also works for the New York Times as the editor for computer-assisted reporting. 
• I believe the intended audience of this article is people who are interested in or oppose excessive force brought on by police officers against citizens.

 Source 2: 

• The purpose of this article is to provide information on the NAACP Legal Defense & Educational Fund, Inc. and how it addresses the president's committee on the 21st century policing. The LDF also encourages strong relationships between civilians and law enforcements. This article also discusses suggestions on how to better law enforcement agencies in the U.S. 
• This article was published in a statement by the NAACP Legal Defense & Educational Fund, Inc.. 
• There are no citations made by the authors of this text. 
• The statement is made by Sherrilyn Ifill, the President and Direct Counsel of NAACP Legal Defense & Educational Fund, Inc. 
• The intended audience of this statement is anyone looking for ways to help improve our law enforcement and policing in the U.S.  

Evaluation of General Sources

Source 1:

• URL: The URL ends in .org, which is a top-level domain name for ORGanization. Most internet URL's that end in .org are credible sources. 
• Author: The author of the information is Rebecca Bowe, a journalist that was once an editor of the San Francisco Bay Guardian. 
• Last Updated: This article does not say when it was last updated, however it was published on April 4, 2015. The information is not outdated because the incident occurred on April 1 of this year. Some of the links on this page include other articles written by the author, related topics, and the social media icons allow you to follow the website on Twitter, Instagram, YouTube, etc. These links lead to different articles on the same website and to social media websites that are still working.   
• Purpose: The text is trying to inform the audience of an incident involving a man and several police officers. People are debating whether they used excessive force against the man or not. The author uses statements/interviews made by eyewitnesses to get the full story on the incident.  
• Graphics: There is a video of part of the incident between the officers and man. It shows him being beaten a few times by a baton and the police trying to arrest him. I heard the man crying for help in the background as he was being taken down by police. 
• Position on Subject: The source does not seem to take one side over the other because she uses statements from two sides of the controversy. The man who people believe to be the victim may benefit if others agree that he was brutally attacked by police officers. I can verify this information with another online source: Video Surfaces of Controversial Arrest. 
• Links: The source does not suggest to look further into the story by researching other sources for information. The article does not cite reputable sources, however the author mentions the chief of police and a few of the eyewitnesses along with the victim in her story. 

Source 2: 

• URL: This source also ends in .org, which almost always means the website is a credible source. There is also a Harvard Kennedy School logo in the top right corner that adds credibility to the site.  
• Author:There are two authors for this source, John Wihbey and Leighton Walter Kille. Wihbey is the assistant director of the Harvard Kennedy School's Shorenstein Center on Media, Politics and Public Policy and Kille is the research editor at the same school. 
• Last Updated: The last updated date is July 1, 2015. The authors use recent incidents as well as incidents that happened over a decade ago in their article. Several links on the page are related posts and social media icons that lead to other articles and to social media webpages. 
• Purpose: The text is informing the audience of incidents involving police brutality and the different views on the subject matter. I do not believe this article is promoting an idea/view or advertisement. 
• Graphics: There is a small picture at the top left side of the article of protesters in Ferguson, Missouri. This picture helps give the audience an idea of what it is like for people against excessive force from police officers. 
• Position on Subject: The source is not biased on the controversy because it provides facts on specific incidents involving police. The information in this article can be verified with other online sources. 
• Links: The article does not suggest to research any further on the information provided. The authors use information from other reports to help support their topics. 

My Field of Study- FSHD

• In the Family Studies and Human Development major students learn how to work with people. They learn how to help families improve their relationships and how different family situations affect adolescents, for example divorce. Depending on their specific area of study, students may learn more about child or parent phycology, criminal justice and/or law, research, and behavioral sciences. 
• With a degree in Family Studies and Human Development, people can choose to work in  human services, social work, social policy, public health, medicine, and even criminal justice/law. 
• Before I started college, I had my mind set on pursuing a degree in Veterinary Sciences, however after taking science courses, I realized that science was not my strong suit. I worked at a Boys and Girls Club in my hometown for a couple years and worked at a Tucson branch for a few months. I decided that I loved working with children and wanted to pursue a career helping them. After I finished my second semester at the University of Arizona, I changed my major from Veterinary Sciences to Family Studies and Human Development. 
• One non-profit that I consider to be an exciting organization related to my field of study is the Boys and Girls Clubs of America. I was a member of the Boys and Girls Club of Bisbee for approximately 7 years and worked there for several. There were times where I needed to speak to a staff member or coordinator about problems I had at home and school. I continue to visit my Club whenever I get the chance and I know that the employees care about the children and continue to help them with their problems that occur at home or at school. 
• One leading scholarly journal in my field is Interdisciplinary and Innovative Approaches to Strengthening Family and Individual Resilience: An Introduction to the Special Issue, published in Family Relations Volume 64, Issue 1. The second journal I found to be a leading scholarly work is Community Reactions to Young People Who Have Sexually Abused and Their Families: A Shotgun Blast, Not a Rifle Shot which was published in Children & Society Volume 29, Issue 4. Another scholarly journal in my field is The Child Protection Clinic: A mixed method evaluation of parent legal representation published in The Children and Youth Services Review Volume 56.